January 21, 2007
~Randomly...
Thank you for reminding me that I could call if I needed to talk. Soon, it might be too expensive to call you. But this night, I needed my solitude.
xxx
That must be the first time I actually thought of how it might feel to die. I toy with the concept of death every often. But, mostly, they are just passing thoughts. But, just now, I stood combing my hair in front of my full length mirror and thought, for more than just passing, how it is like to kill myself. And, then, who would be the people I would be letting down.
Because Prof Chua chided Meisen for lending me The Year of Magical Thinking when I was feeling depressed, and made her feel responsible if I were to commit suicide, the first person I thought who might feel horrible if I commit suicide, was Meisen. Poor elv.
But then, Wenn asked, didn't I feel like my life is refreshing to a new page. And I told her, I just feel like living a solitary life this year. A lot of night jogs, basking in the swimming pool; a lot of nights at home just writing, or revising my Bahasa Indo; a lot of nights re-watching some Hong Kong series Dvds; and a lot of hanging around with my parents and my sisters. And the two handsome dogs.
Feel like taking a rest.
xxx
I look forward to babysitting Nat again! I want to see her playing 'Catch' with my dogs!
xxx
Something woke up the sarcasm in me. I suddenly remembered 'sarcastic' was a word often used by my schoolmates to describe me. In secondary school and college. Way before 'bitchy', and way before 'strong'.
It felt very familiar. The ability to make sarcastic remarks.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:28